Sometimes, the most loving thing you can do for your inner child is set boundaries. To let them know what types of behavior are acceptable and what types aren't.
Due to trauma and conditioning, our inner child can display all sorts of maladaptive behavior through us now, as adults.
This can manifest as irrational fears, procrastination, resistance, lack of commitment and grit.
It can show up as chronic negative thinking, replaying of old patterns, and narcissism.
The list goes on and on.
And while we have compassion for these parts, the inner child does not get to run the show. You do, as your empowered, adult self.
Who do you want to be now?
And what behaviors seem to be getting in the way of that?
This is why therapy is key, because you go back to childhood, identify core wounds, and give these parts the love and attention they need.
No good therapist will go back for the purpose of wallowing in your wounds. The purpose is alchemy.
Part of this is taking ownership for reparenting ourselves so that these parts get cared for rather than act like screaming toddlers in the background, wreaking havoc in our lives.
It's making the unconscious conscious.
However, what I see happening is that we are coddling our inner children.
It's not surprising, because it's a reflection of parenting culture as a whole right now.
In reaction to a more authoritarian approach, the pendulum has swung too far to permissiveness. Lack of personal responsibility. Avoidance of anything hard. And at worst, stewing in victim mentality.
And we seem to be in love with our trauma, not wanting to let go of it, as if it were some badge of honor.
On some level, we seem to have an addiction to pain and suffering.
In my world, it's both - deep love and compassion for our wounded parts AND doing the work to heal and move on.
It's getting clear on what your values are now, as an adult, and committing towards steering the ship in that direction.
It's being patient with yourself when you fall, but getting back up and trying again.
In psychology, there is a parenting style called authoritative. It's the middle way between permissiveness and authoritarianism. Research shows the best outcomes for children with this approach over and over again - being loving but ALSO setting boundaries with our children when necessary.
Authoritative parents have high expectations for their children, while also giving them the support and resources they need to succeed.
When we remain permissive with our inner child, what happens is what you see unfolding on the collective - impulsivity, short attention span, pleasure seeking, aimlessness, low self-reliance, and lack of self-control.
And it's no joke when you hear people say that the world is now overrun by adult babies.
On top of the permissive culture that has caused all of this, look what's enabling it. Phone addictions. Vaping. Porn. Hookup culture. Garbage food supply.
And generally speaking, a lack of depth or substance to the kind of content we are consuming.
Short form hits of dopamine that are literally making our brains weak and dumb.
It's not getting any better, in fact many predict it will get far worse.
I am not here for mediocrity. I have a deeper dedication to living a life that is a reflection of my full potential vs. getting sucked into all of the shiny traps you see out there in pop culture.
My radar is honed and sharp. And as a parent, I not only have to keep a watch out for myself, but also for my child.
What it comes down to is having strong boundaries - with ourselves.
This is where we are right now.
Are you here to take the reins of your life? Or are you here to waste your God given life force energy?
(P.S. I really love you. If you need support, reach out.)