We know trauma often underlies bad behavior. But that trauma should not excuse or allow the bad behavior.
When the pendulum swings way over to 100% permissiveness, we lose the ability to hold people accountable.
It becomes "politically correct" to bypass that step.
And then the person expressing these bad behaviors does not learn right from wrong, and continues on unchecked.
That overall problem grows like a weed inside of them, and then all of a sudden we have some very dangerous, entitled people walking around.
The subtitle is a reference to two parenting styles - authoritarian (rigid) and permissive (indulgent).
The real key is the third way - called authoritative parenting. It's being warm and understanding, while also having boundaries and standards.
Nobody seems to be talking about this way, which has been shown time and time again to produce the most well adjusted humans.
We can see the consequences of permissiveness far and wide, as it gained popularity as a reaction to authoritarian parenting.
And after working for years in the high schools of LA as a psychologist, all I can say is YIKES.
In addition to the troublesome behavior of many students that was a product of parenting + culture, the schools themselves had gotten rid of most consequences.
Not a lot of learning was happening at those schools. Teachers were just trying to get through each class.
This correlates with the problem of moral relativism. "It's all good" and "there is no right or wrong" are being used as a form of mind control that excuses bad behavior.
And when it comes to love, sx and relationships, we are completely in the dark ages.
Trust your gut to know how far south we have gone - and trace it back to a complete demoralization of our culture.
There is a third path beyond the dichotomy of asceticism and hedonism.
So, what to do about the trauma that underlies bad behavior?
Let’s try an authoritative approach: the underlying trauma must be addressed, and simultaneously the person must learn healthy behaviors that respect other people and contribute to a morally robust society.
It seems so reasonable, and yet we have strayed far from the path.