Today, I'm thinking about that famous Carl Jung quote, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”
And one of my teachers made a similar observation recently that “until you control your subconscious, something else will gladly control it.”
This is all very true.
I had no clue what any of this meant until shadow work found me years ago and illuminated several unconscious patterns I was playing out in relationships.
These patterns had me stuck in a repeating cycle of pain, suffering, and heartbreak.
The worst part was that I truly felt like a victim of life, that “poor me” mentality infecting my day to day reality and coloring the lens of my entire existence.
This is what happens when we remain ignorant of the power of the unconscious, the force running behind the scenes that creates 95% of our reality.
I was not able to escape that ‘poor me’ mentality until I learned that unconscious creates 95% of our reality, and I began to take a look at what was there. This continues to be the most most empowering thing I have ever come across, and it changed my whole life in a very dramatic way.
Unfortunately, people do not seem to fully grasp the power of the unconscious mind, instead using the 5% power of the conscious mind to ‘create their reality,’ using willpower, intentions, and conscious desires to try to shape their life.
What they don’t realize is that they are bypassing the incredible force of the unconscious. They don’t understand why their life does not match what their personal will is attempting to force.
This is because the subconscious is what truly creates our reality, and so you must work from that place.
Helping clients to uncover subconscious patterns is absolutely the most fulfilling part of my job.
Some people believe that the subconscious exists in our energy field, and attracts or repels things in our lives based on the programming that is running behind the scenes.
(I have seen evidence of this from my work in combining therapy and breathwork together, which works on both the psychological and energetic levels. First, I experienced this firsthand in my life, and then repeatedly with clients.)
True liberation is freedom from the bondage of unhealed wounds that constantly re-create patterns in our lives, and once we make the unconscious conscious, we begin to change our program and experience massive, permanent shifts in our lives.
Additionally, this is a potent path of soul evolution where life is truly a school to help us grow and evolve into higher states of consciousness.
My life has forever changed as a result of shadow work, and seven years ago I became passionate about helping others to do the same.
It might seem on the surface that the time and energy it takes to do this inner work is too much, too overwhelming, etc - and the truth is that everything in this world is trying to distract us from it.
That's why God/Spirit/The Universe often has to come in and get our attention in very uncomfortable ways when we repeatedly turn the other cheek.
This is how it went down in my life and I have made a promise to myself that it will never happen again. Now I am proactive about facing my shadow - work that continues until our last day, there are always more layers - because I know that every single minute I spend on this work pays off x100.
The penalty for putting it off until another day can be severe, and I will not go down that road again.
Because I have walked through this in my own life and help others to do the same every day, I have gotten quite good at being able to help people see unconscious patterns quickly.
Here are some of the common patterns that are able to be transformed:
having poor boundaries and settling for less than you deserve
insecure attachment styles
low levels of self-love, self-worth and self-respect
fear of open or authentic communication
codependency
the empath-narcissist trap
mother wounds and father wounds impacting our adult relationships
victim-rescuer-persecutor dynamics
wounded feminine and masculine
people-pleasing, losing yourself in relationships
lack of discernment and ability to assess character
All of these are able to be overcome, and I would argue that part of our collective responsibility in creating the new paradigm of relationships are bringing most of this up to the surface so that we can heal and move forward.
What would relationships look and feel like if these unconscious patterns were overcome?
What is the vast, untapped potential of relationships when we stop leaking our energy in this way?
When you begin to heal and transmute these relationship wounds, you will begin to understand the true meaning of liberation. It will be a felt sense, and you automatically become a wayshower of the new paradigm.
This may not even be something you wanted consciously, but the path of the wounded healer works in mysterious ways.
My hope for you is to realize the power of this work to completely change your life.
I am sure some of you already know that this is true.
—
Leigh-Anne LoPinto is a psychologist specializing in the new paradigm of relationships. She has 14 years of experience working with individuals and groups, and specializes in conscious relationships and spiritual partnership, using relationships to evolve on a soul level.
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